Acceptance
by Ambrion
Summary: "Everyone has their demons." Rukia tells him. She tries to tell him to accept the demons he has and to control them. Ichigo refuses to give his heart to her until he can protect her from himself. Will he be able to tame the beast in time to start something they could have? Will he be able to accept himself? His nightmares give him pause about their future. Can he accept himself?
1. Nightmare

A/N: Okay so its like 4:51 am and I can't get this story out of my head so I might as well right it down. I have not actually been updated on Bleach lately. I stopped watching after the Ichigo-Aizen fight. So no spoilers please. Remember this is a fanfiction so it will not go straight on the anime. Please leave comments. Also remember that if you're a guest I will not keep the comment, no matter if it is good or bad. I will thank all comments in the next chapter if I should chose there be one. Thank you guys.

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of its characters, sadly.

Blood dripped from his mouth, the poor innocent victim still hung in his mouth. He had lost all since of control. He had become the beast he so feared. The energy he gave off was crushing others who could not withstand it. So many were dying, but at the moment he didn't care. He couldn't care. He wasn't there. At this moment he had lost his mind. Ichigo Kurosaki was no longer there, what was in front of them all was a beast.

"Ichigo! Please!" Rukia shrieked, she was horrified. She looked around the sand dooms at all the victims. So many bodies laid cold on the ground. Her elder brother being one of them. Her heart broke when she watched Renji's body fall from Ichigo's mouth. This beast…this hallow, it had taken over once more. Death and decay were all that laid in wake. The beast turned to Rukia and saw her pleading eyes. Ichigo began to awake and tried to control the beast, but it was too powerful. He watched as it approtched her. He screamed for her to run, but all that came out was the awful rawer. Faster than lighting he grabbed her and pulled her body into pieces. 'No!' He cried. In his mind he cried painful tears. Why had this happened? What had this trigger been?

'Fun, isn't it King.' The black and white version of himself said somewhere in the depths of his mind. All Ichigo could do was hit the wall of his mind with his fist and cried in deep sorrow. Byakuya, Rukia , Renji, and Ishida he could see clearly. Their bodies dismembered beyond all recognition. He had done that, but what had been the start of it all? He turned to find Orihime's open throat in the hands of a man with a most distasteful grin on his face. Ichigo's rage flew in different directions and the beast charged him again. Orihime! It had been that…it was her being…gone. His, friend. She was so innocent. Why her? He charged at him, the man. He had never seen this man before. Not once. He remembered all the men and women he had fought and never once did he encounter this man. But his face was burned in Ichigo's memory now. The beast attacked and….

Ichgio woke up, sweat falling off him. His eyes opened wide in fear. He looked around the room to make sure it had all been a dream. He got up and opened his closet door to see if Rukia was still there. She, as usual, was curled up asleep there. For once he was thankful. These dreams about the beast inside of him were getting worse. He didn't want to be alone, and there wasn't enough room in the closet. He was thankful Rukia was a heavy sleeper. He picked her up and put her in his bed and climbed in beside her, making sure she was on the outside. So if she asked, in the morning, he would pretend to freak out and say that she must have been sleep walking or something. The truth was, Rukia was always right there to calm his fears. In the middle of battle, at night with a nightmare, in school, it didn't matter she was always right there and she had always been that person for him. He watched her chest rise and fall. He was glad to find air going in and out of her lungs. He was thankful to feel her skin moving. To feel her heart beating, kind of. The Souls, of the Soul Society were kind of different when it came to being "alive". Ichigo sometimes wondered if he was a freak for falling for someone who was for, all intensive purposes, dead. Then again half the time he was too. He decide not to worry about that right now. His mind went back to that dream and he was afraid to close his eyes because the beast was always there. He knew that now that beast was a part of him and would always be. That did not mean he had to like it. Everyone had their demons, he just had not quite learned how to control them yet. He had gained better control of them lately, but it didn't really matter if it had gotten better. That one slip up could mean the end to everything as he knew it. He was dangerous. He knew that. Which is why he kept himself at bay with his feelings, he wanted to protect those around them not hurt them. God help someone if he actually became exclusive with Rukia and then someone took her away from him. It would be bad now, but then it would just be worse. It was like that for anyone he cared about but Rukia was different, and the fact that he had split her into pieces in his dream scared him. He didn't want to be capable of that kind of thing. When he had told Rukia about these reoccurring dreams she had looked at him in serious thought.

"Everyone had their demons Ichgio. Look at the human raise as a whole. Murders, child molesters, rapist, they are all demons inside of people. Most people try to keep them at bay others can't. We should always try to fight those things, but everyone has something. Hollowfication is just one of yours. You have a demon you must control."

Why was she so understanding? Why did she know what to say? Sure a lot of times his not thinking got him smacked by her but usually he could understand why after.

He wrapped his arms around her for a small second. "I love you." He said in a hushed whisper in her ear. Sometimes he truly wished that she would wake up and hear that, but she never did, as far as he knew. He could never tell that to her, with her looking at him. He still had too many demons. He couldn't protect her from himself yet, but the day he could…he hoped to have her to himself.

She was in fact awake sometimes. She always woke up when he picked her up and took her to his bed. In the morning she knew they would fight about if she had slept walked or not, and would let him win. For some reason he didn't want her to know how he felt. She wanted him to tell her face to face, and then she could accept his feelings. She couldn't until that day. She begged for it to come. He was her hero. He was her protector. He was kind, and sweet, and loyal, and honorable. He was really everything that she had ever wanted. She didn't understand why her brother had such a problem with him, they were exactly the same.

She listened as he said I love you and felt the warmth of his arms around her. She smiled. 'I wish he would say it out loud.' He had, had another nightmare she knew. She didn't mind being there to comfort him even if she wasn't really saying anything. She would wait until he was ready to come clean but sometimes she just couldn't understand why. Was it because at some point Orihime had, had feelings for him and then left when he realized it was ready to give it a go? Sure they had to staid friends, but it had not been easy. The group had not been easy. When Ichigo had seen Ishida and Orihime together she watched the fire light up in his eyes. As time went a long the fire died, but still…she wondered if he was afraid. It was understandable. She wanted to know though.

She turned on her left side. He took it as her moving in her sleep. He turned to his right. His back to hers. They would sleep like this until morning. Neither of them realizing how the other felt.

'I have to protect her from myself.'

'Why won't he tell me how he feels?'


	2. Normal

A/N: Well I really enjoyed that first chapter. Thank you for your review 27kirune12. Hope you guys enjoy the next chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or its characters, sadly.

"Oh for the love of God, Ichigo, I do not sleep walk!" Rukia yelled in pretend frustration she slapped her hand on her leg to show this. Ichigo stood there also pretending to be annoyed. "You totally do! You freak! Why in the world would you sleep walk right next to me?"

Rukia sighed getting ready to explode when Yuzu walked in. She could feel the tension in the air. "Ummm, you guys breakfast is ready."

"Thanks." They said with a faint blush showing on their face. They ate and began walking to school together. " You know every day we walk to this school and pretend to be normal high school students but we really are not. The five of us are not normal. We go to war almost every day and come back to this place and its just not the same. We've lost that innocence. Even Orihime has lost all of that. She has seen people die, she has seen bloodshed and then she comes here, and how do you cope? How do we become normal again?"

Rukia tried to come up with an answer for him, but there seemed to be none. To be honest this was all for show for her. She wasn't really a part of this world anymore. She had left it many years ago. But for Ichigo and the others this was real. When the missions were over he would return here and expected to go back to the life he knew. The life of a man who would grow up and marry, have children. But he was right now could you simply go back to that after being a part of a deadly world for so long.

"I don't really know how to answer that for you. To be honest this is unfair to you. Its unfair for all of you and I guess that I am to blame."

She remembered that night so clearly. It was what had lead to all of this. It lead to her feelings for him and his feelings for her. It lead to the others getting involved, well, other than Ishida he had kind of done that on his own. She remembered stabbing him with the sword as she introduced herself to him. She could tell that he was honorable in that one second. He would have done anything for his family. He still would.

"No I chose to take on that responsibility. It was not completely your fault." Sometimes he wanted to reach out and hold her most of all when she was feeling guilty. But he wouldn't touch her.

They nearly jumped out of their skin when Renji popped up behind them. "Hey guys"

"Geez Renji! Maybe a little warning next time!" Ichigo said annoyed.

"What could be more of a warning than "hey guys" you idiot?"

This earned him a hit on the shoulder by Rukia.

"What do you want anyways?" she asked

"The head captain has called for you."

Ichigo pulled Kon out of the bag who had crossed his arms. He hated that he was always stuffed in that bag. Ichigo took the pill and popped it into his mouth. Then he and Rukia headed off with Renji. Kon knew what to do. "What's going on Renji?"

"The Soul Society was attacked last night, and there are still no leads. We need all the help we can get. What we do know is that there were several people. They had the skill of 2nd squad."

"This doesn't sound good."

"Yes, in the past there have been a handful of people who had been fired from there, we believe that it could be them wanting revenge."

"That's just stupid…why after all this time would they attack now?" Ichigo said jumping off a roof top to another.

"Actually, it hasn't been just all of this time. The second squad captain fired a member just the other day. We believe it might have been the final straw. Captain Suifon is extremely strict, all of the rules in her squad are to be followed to a t and when they are not, she fires them after the second warning."

"What proof do you have that it's the them?" Rukia asked thankful they had finally arrived to the gate.

"The Second Squad's area has been destroyed."

Ichigo stopped mid run. "What the hell?! How did Suifon let that happen?"

"Suifon wasn't there…she hasn't been there in two days. The head Captain has heard no word on her she is missing."

"Does Yoruichi know about this?"

"Why would we notify her?" Renji asked.

"I don't know because it might be nice for her to know." Rukia said, she sighed "I will go and tell her."

"I will go on a head. Be careful." Ichigo said he wished he could reach out and touch her hand.

When she had gone Renji looked at Ichigo, jealousy come through onto his voice not Ichgio knew it. He was sure Ichgio didn't even know Rukia liked him. It had taken him forever to understand Orihime had. He was oblivious.

"When are you going to tell her?" He asked

"Tell her what?" Ichigo asked confused.

"That you're in love with her."

Ichgio's eyes opened wide. Renji stepped through the gate.


	3. Descend into Darkness

A/N: Hey guys sorry its been a while since my last update. I have not internet at home now so I have to update when I can. I also rely on amvs to inspire me to write...I haven't found any really good ones for Rukia and Ichigo lately. If you have any suggestions let me know. I also have to thank 27kirune12 for your review. It has been really nice talking to you. I am inspired also by reviews so please continue to give them. :P

Disclaimer: I do not own bleach.

"You're not giving me any kind of information that can help!" Ichigo yelled at the head Commander. "Do not raise your voice at me substitute soul reaper!" The commander's voice bellowed in the meeting room. "I have given you your instructions and that is all you need to know for this moment." The other Captains stood silent on either side of the red rug. One of them had gone missing and her place was vacant. Ichigo looked to that area. The Soul Society seemed to yet again be dismissing problems at hand for their greater good. Not that Ichigo thought the Second Squad Captain would have done any different. Hell she would have been the one to follow the orders to a T. But Ichgio wasn't like that. He couldn't just stand by while there was a life in danger as long as he could do something about it. "You are telling me to be on the look out for strange individuals but you're not telling me exactly what to look for and you're not letting me go to the Second division so what the hell am I supposed to do with that?!" Ichigo snapped. "You're dismissed." The head commander said. Ichigo left the room feeling more confused that when he had first arrived. Yoruichi jumped down from the ledge of the building when the doors behind Ichigo had closed and Rukia followed behind her.

"What did they say?" Yoruichi asked with a serious expression that was rare for her.

"Not a damn thing that would help." He replied.

"What do you mean?" Rukia asked.

"I mean they told me to look out for strange behavior but that's all they told me. They wont even let me go look at the Second Division to find clues. All they gave me was "Be on the look out" and that was all"

"Well that's stupid, though it doesn't matter. We are going anyway." The cat woman stated.

"We are?" The boy asked

"Yes. You nor I are tied by the laws of this place. Not really. We can do as we please. The most they can do is say that you are not a Soul Reaper anymore, which they are not likely to do. I wouldn't want to piss someone off as powerful as you. And I am really not bound by this place anymore. The least they can do to me is banish me and I'm already pretty much there. However," She looked at Rukia, "You are bound by the laws here. You will get into some serious trouble if you follow us. I'm not sure your brother, even as influential as he is, can keep busting you out of trouble. Your safest bet is to stay here and to try and gather information. Get anyone you can and that is willing to help you. Inform them this is to be on the down low. When Ichigo and I find something out we will let you know."

"Yes, alright" Rukia said feeling a little uneasy. She knew that Yoruichi was Urahara's woman but she still felt uneasy about another woman being around Ichigo alone. Most of all a woman like her. This was the woman who introduced her human form to Ichigo for the first time naked. It was understandable she felt a little uneasy. "We'll be fine" Ichigo said giving her a reassuring smile. He wished he could reach out and hold her, or hug her but she would probably freak out on him and wind up hitting him. He couldn't have that. He needed his brains in tact.

"Be careful." She said. "I will"

The two took off leaving the little dark haired woman behind.

"You two sound like lovers already."

Ichigo turned read. "What?!"

"Ichigo you should know by now that if you tell your master anything he is going to tell everyone else."

"I didn't." Ichigo said between his teeth.

"Oh right it was just so obvious that he could tell...that's right. Still even so you know he is going to tell everyone and everyone includes me, and when it includes me you know I'm going to help you get your woman."

"Whatever," Ichigo said a little embarrassed, "Lets just go find your play thing"

"My what?" She asked giving a little devilish smile.

"We all know that you and Kisuke have a little fun with her."

"I can't believe this is coming out of you Ichigo...I'm so proud..." She smile not shy at all about the fact she had just been outed.

She turned her head to find they had reached the point they were aiming for. They ducked behind a building and looked around the corner carefully. It was heavily guarded by the Second Division and a couple of others as well. "How are we going to get past all of that?"

"Don't be such a pessimist kid. I was after all the captain of this division."

"Yea years ago...your centuries old they have more than likely changed their ways."

"Not likely. The Second Division does not welcome change often. In fact Soi-Fon was hated for a long time by her division because of the fact it was a change."

"When did that change?"

"It didn't. Most of them do hate her, but that's the thing about her. She doesn't care if they do or don't as long as they respect her and they do. She is willing to die for one of them and they will do the same for her. That's all that matters. She is very strict and most of the honor that. They long for it. In this division they believe you have to be, she does her job well. She has their respect not their love and that's all she ask for."

"Complicated if you ask me. I would rather be loved."

"Perhaps but Soi-fon doesn't work that way. She is a loner and always has been. Now just wait until I'm ready and I'll let you in."

"How the hell are you-"

She changed into cat form and walked right past every guard, when she had reached the end she changed forms again and knocked every one of them out. "Oh that's how" he finished.

"Its not that hard when you're as awesome as I am."

"Yea whatever" he said rolling his yes. They went around quietly until they found the place that had been aimed for damage. The Captain's quarters. Yoruichi walked in and looked around. It smelled of old smoke, and it seemed damp. "Files have been burnt to a crisp." Ichigo said picking up what was left of a folder. "So I see...her reports have been too." They looked around the room at the fallen book shelf and chairs, the broken desk and picture frames and finally the broke door that lead to the back of the division's training grounds. "There was defiantly a fight. I don't understand how they could have gotten her though as tough as she is."

"She might be strong Ichigo but she isn't invincible. When they used an weapon on her it could have had some kind of sleeping drug on it. Or poison. There is no telling. They've probably taken it from her by now, but I don't see her sword around her so that means that she has it with her at least." Ichigo went to the last remaining bookshelf that was left standing. He put his hand to his chin. "What is it?" She asked.

"Isn't it strange that everything in this room has been tipped over...but this one bookshelf?"

"Not really...it could have just been missed."

"I don't think so. As small as this room is...everything should have been knocked over if there was a struggle."

"What are you saying?"

Ichigo began pushing on the bookshelf and moved the heavy thing out of the way to revel a hidden path.

"What if it was just made to look like a struggle?" Ichigo said smiling.

She smiled back at him but then began to look confused. "Why would they want to make it look like a struggle? And why they have to make it look that way? She would have put up a fight if someone had came in that wasn't welcome."

"But what if they were. This could be someone she trusted or someone that she thought she trusted, or it could be an illusion. This passage way doesn't look new."

"It has to be. I've never seen it before and I knew this place inside and out."

"Maybe you missed one" he shrugged.

"But if you say that what if this person was pretending to be you showing her this secret place? She would have gone without a fight and in order to keep people from looking around to much to find if she had left something behind they made it look like she was taken...so they would assume this was some hostile group to draw the attention away from themselves."

"Ichigo...you have good points but the only way we are going to know is by going in and finding out for ourselves what lies behind this bookshelf."

"We need to inform the others first. But I think we should keep this from the other captains for now. They might make a mess of things if the head commander finds out about this."

"Yes you're right. I will inform Rukia of what's happened. But Soi-fon's life could be in danger so you need to follow this. I will have Rukia and Renji follow you down there and I will come soon after. I might get the others from the living world. We may need them."  
"That's a plan. See you in a while."

Ichigo began his descend into darkness.


End file.
